Many years ago, I attended a workshop on networking. As an introvert who struggled with small talk, I was looking forward to learning “the secrets” of how to do this “very important thing.” The instructor advised that we should not eat or drink while networking as it would impede on our ability to shake hands and would increase the chance that we would be mid-bite when it was our chance to talk. This was very disappointing to hear. The free catering was my main incentive to suffer through a networking event. We were also told to have an elevator speech, and that’s about all I remember.
For many years, this is how I pictured “networking”: large conference type room filled with strangers, catering that I shouldn’t partake in, armed with a speech that I never knew how to slip into the conversation. No surprise— I did not love the thought of it, so naturally I avoided it. Recently, my feelings have changed-here’s why…
More is not Better
A staggering number of connections is not necessarily a winning formula. Research by Anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed that humans can maintain stable social relationships with approximately 150 individuals. Rather than blindly connecting with the most people possible, aim for deeper, authentic connections. Chances are you already have a rich network, nurture those relationships.
If you feel like you need to expand your network, as I did when I started a new field, then by all means do so. However, investing your time in your existing network is time well spent, and can be a good place to start if you want to build your networking muscle.
Redefine Networking
Find a way of networking that works for you. While there is value in attending industry events (i.e. the room full of strangers scenario), know you don’t have to do that to network. Perhaps it is rekindling connections over a call, having coffee with a colleague that you haven’t crossed paths with for a while, or maybe it is just a message over LinkedIn. It’s okay to start in your comfort zone.
For me, the best networking, doesn’t even feel like networking. It’s catching up with past colleagues and work friends. I love hearing about what they have been up to, and learning from their journeys.
No Elevator Pitch Needed
Most networking advice recommends having one, but my theory is that it’s better to be a good listener than talker. Instead, I suggest having some open-ended questions at the ready to spark the conversation. Ask the individual about their career journey, what they enjoy about their current role, what they think about their company’s culture, etc. When interviewing they say the more the interviewer talks, the better they rate the candidate-I think the same rule holds true when networking.
How you can get to “The Ask”
Some reports state that 85% of jobs are filled through networking. If you are networking to look for a new role, eventually you are going to find yourself in a position of asking your connection for some help. This is where I see people go wrong. Networking is not sending a random message with a resume asking what jobs are open at their company. This puts too much onus on the connection to do the heavy lifting; don’t be surprised when the connection doesn’t respond.
Best practice is to build the relationship before you even apply for a role. However, if you are actively applying for roles and you want to reach out to a connection that you do not have a strong relationship with— don’t skip the relationship building part of the conversation before you get to the ask. Start with an “easy” request-set up a chat to learn about their insights into the company and build a rapport first.
The Art of Painless Networking
Networking doesn't have to be a daunting or uncomfortable experience. By focusing on building authentic, meaningful connections and tailoring your approach to what works best for you, networking can become a more natural and rewarding part of your career journey. Whether it’s rekindling old relationships, asking insightful questions, or simply taking the time to nurture your existing network, the key is to approach it with intention and authenticity. So, next time you think about networking, remember: it's not about the quantity of connections, but the quality of the relationships you build along the way.
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I can totally relate to this. As an introvert, I have found that structured networking is best for me, rather than just loosely being thrown into a room and trying to mingle. For what it's worth: I always make the most of the catering. Talking about the food is a nice ice breaker .
Thought provoking read for Friday !